We’ll sit for days, and talk about things,...
Oh Bridget, there’s no nutritional value in tampons– Connor
Connor: I mean, if I start calling you some kind of tit/monster nickname, you'd be fine with that, yeah?
Me: I wouldn't hate it at all. In fact, take me to a beach and call me titasaurus.
Connor: Excellent. I'll bring cake
Me: Recoil and cry, Josh. Recoil and cry.
Josh: I'm going to do about 70% recoiling. Is this acceptable?
Me: Why yes, yes it is!
Josh: Can I break down the crying into 50% wailing and 50% screeching?
Me: So I saved that crying conversation. It made me snort.
Josh: Give me credit if you use it anywhere. You can tell people you Joshcried.
Me: "What's a Joshcry?" "It's 50% wailing, 50 screeching"
Josh: You can call it a Jcry
Me: OR, I could say "I croshed"
Eating an egg sandwich on my own.
”You know New Dave, the bellend I work with? His name is Dave Barton, and because it seems that I am going to end up hearing his own special brand of bullshit on a regular basis, I may as well get something out of it. So I took 16 of the things he says most, and arranged them in a 4 by 4 grid, and put them in a random order. I did this four times. We are now playing Barton Bingo.”
Me: and I got him a huge remote-control spider!
Me: I'm going to put a "Coffee plz" post-it note on it's back and control into my dad's room in the mornings.
Mike: Ahaha! If someone did that to me I'd shit on it and send it back.
Mike: "Sorry, did you say coffee? I thought you said take a dump on my spider."
Someone drew this for me today. Just look at those tiddays! Thanks, internet stranger!
`You and your wife will be very happy in your life together.`
Aaron: I've been wearing the same clothes since Friday.
Me: Sign of depression, that.
Si: Or a lack of general hygiene?
Aaron: I can't smell my balls yet though. Must be doing something right.
Sam: I'm like a big man child
Me: I like manchild... men. Menchildren?
Sam: MAN CHILD, I'M A BIG MAN CHILD
Sam: I'VE GOT THE MAN OF A CHILD AND A BIG MAN CHILD
Sam: AND I FLY THROUGH THE AIR COS I AM A MAN CHILD
Sam: man child.